Processing the uncertainty

Last Thursday I met with my surgeon for the second time and my oncologist for the first time. We have tentatively scheduled my lumpectomy for April 15th which feels good to have a date on the calendar for when this tumor is coming out. However, we are still waiting to hear back about my genetic testing which would change the course of surgery to a double mastectomy. The likelihood of the genetic test coming back positive is low so I am doing my best to focus on the lumpectomy and not worry about the genetic testing until we have to. We hope to have those results back by this coming Friday.

I am HER2/neu negative which for now means I am not a candidate for chemo! Which brings me to my oncology appointment. I thought I was out of the woods for chemo if I came back HER2 negative, that isn't quite the case. I will still have two more pathology reports to get through before we can rule out chemo.  After surgery my tumor, as well as all lymph nodes removed  during surgery will be sent off to pathology for another round of testing. I will have a month before my next treatment starts and during that month we expect to get my final pathology report. Once we have the final report we will work with my medical team to solidify my treatment plan. 

While I am feeling very optimistic about things it hit me pretty hard that even though my cancer is stage 1, since I am pre menopausal it's treated quite aggressively. Hearing that I will be on hormone therapy until I am 43 was a lot for me to process. I feel so fortunate to be stage 1 as I have seen so many other women go through so much worse than me but this waiting game and uncertainty about my treatment has been a bit mentally exhausting. 

With all that being said I continue to be so grateful for our family and friends. I feel so lucky to have such an incredible support network. The twins also are a wonderful distraction! As a family we have been trying to focus on as much normalcy as possible while we wait for next steps.